I got his in an email and found it quite amusing so I thought I would share.
1. The first rule of Chuck Norris is: You do not talk about Chuck Norris
2. Chuck Norris can divide by zero
3. Chuck Norris did in fact build Rome in a day.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain
5. Chuck Norris counted to infinity-twice
6. When the boogey man goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
7. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. 8. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch; HE decides what time it is.
9. Outer space exists because it is afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
10. Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
11. Chuck Norris uses a nightlight. Not because he is afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
12. Contrary to popular belief there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
13. When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn’t lifting himself up; he’s pushing the Earth down. 14. If a tree falls in the forest does anybody hear? Yes. Chuck Norris hears it. Chuck Norris hears everything.
15. Chuck Norris played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
16. Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven or microwave because revenge is a dish best served cold.
17. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he’d win. Period.
18. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
19. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned the sun up.
20. Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But the usually grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
21. Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindness and possibly feet-sized bruises on the face.
22. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.
23. When you’re Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal one-one roundhouse kick to the face. 24. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth then boils the water with his own rage.
25. Chuck Norris does not “style” his hair. It lies perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
26. Lighting never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is looking for it.
27. There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
28. Chuck Norris let the dogs out.
29. Chuck Norris got his driver’s license at the age of 16. Seconds.
30. Chuck Norris is not only a noun but a verb.
31. The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons. It was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. They didn’t even come close.
32. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.
33. Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one ever dared to question his motives.
34. Chuck Norris is the only man who has literally beaten the odds. With his fists.
35. Chuck Norris can kick through all six degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere-in the face- at any time.
36. Chuck Norris can in fact “raise the roof.” And he can do it with one hand.
37. Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know – except for the definition of mercy.
38. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris bets all three at the same time.
39. Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight and the knife lost.
40. If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don’t ask him for his three-hole punch.
41. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
42. The chemical for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. There are also Chuck Norris’ initials. This is not a coincidence.
43. Chuck Norris’ pulse in measured on the Richter scale.
44. Chuck Norris had a deep and abiding respect for human life- unless it gets in his way.
45. America is not a democracy, but a Chucktatorship.
46. Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Chuck Norissaurus.
47. If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.
48. Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
49. Chuck Norris can taste lies.
50. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.